Daily Horoscope: Robert Pattinson Was Bribed Into a Movie With 200 Cans of Zyn, and the Stars Say Your Price Is Even Lower

The stars rarely agree on anything, but this week they have reached a consensus: everyone has a price, and Robert Pattinson's arrived in a box from Canada.

Director Lance Oppenheim told Vulture that he landed Pattinson for A24's "Primetime" by sending 200 canisters of Zyn nicotine pouches to the actor's Los Angeles home during a U.S. shortage. "Rob, at the time, was grappling with a Zyn addiction," Oppenheim said, which is the kindest thing a director has ever said about an actor while also confessing that he exploited it.

The pouches came with the latest draft of the script and a letter that began, "Dear Chris Han-Zyn." Pattinson had planned only to produce. He read it, picked up the phone and said yes. Hollywood calls this a passion project. A pharmacist would call it a refill.

Oppenheim compared the moment to "LeBron making the announcement that he was joining the Heat." It was not quite that. LeBron did not go to Miami because Pat Riley mailed him 200 tins of something from a friend in Toronto. At least, nobody has checked.

The film opened Sept. 25 and made nearly $50 million worldwide on a $15 million budget, which makes those canisters the most efficient casting spend in the history of cinema. Chris Hansen, the real host Pattinson plays, called the movie a "complete work of fiction," a bold review from a man whose entire show was built on people walking into a kitchen under false pretenses.

And now, your horoscope.

Aries: Someone will offer you something in bulk to change your mind. Hold out for a second shipment. Pattinson didn't, and he is merely an Oscar contender.

Taurus: You are grappling with a habit. Today is a good day to tell nobody, especially anyone holding a screenplay.

Gemini: A friend in Canada has exactly what you need. This has been true since the invention of Canada.

Cancer: Put a pun in the salutation. People forgive everything that comes after "Dear."

Leo: You will be compared to LeBron. Read the fine print; it may be about a supply chain.

Virgo: Budget fifteen, earn fifty. Spend the profit on throat lozenges for the acceptance speech.

Libra: The person you are imitating will review your work harshly. Have a seat.

Scorpio: Your nervous system is now a casting director. Do not let it read scripts unsupervised.

Sagittarius: Shortages create opportunities. Shortages also create men at the border with suspiciously full trunks.

Capricorn: Stay behind the camera if you like. The camera is on its way to your house with a gift basket.

Aquarius: Variety praised Pattinson's "nervy dyspeptic magnetism." Today, you have the same magnetism, but nobody is paying you for it.

Pisces: Someone will rewrite the entire plan just to get you to say yes. Enjoy it. It will never happen again without nicotine involved.

The lesson of the week is that destiny is real, but it ships in cardboard. Every one of us is one well-timed care package away from a new career. Pattinson got a script, a pun and 200 cans. You got a horoscope. Read it twice. It is nicotine-free, and it is the only thing in this story that came without a bribe.