Storm Boelo Arrives Barely a Day After Storm Austen, Because Britain's Weather Now Books Its Disasters Like Back-to-Back Dentist Appointments

Britain did not get a storm on Saturday. It got a sequel. Storm Austen had barely finished rattling the bins on Friday when Storm Boelo walked in, wiped its feet on the Atlantic and asked where the good furniture was.

Boelo is the second named storm of the season, which is fast work for an autumn that has not yet put its coat on. The Met Office announced it the way a maitre d' announces a table of twelve with no reservation: "Very strong westerly winds associated with Storm Boelo are expected, with fairly widespread gusts of 60 to 70mph and gusts to 80mph in exposed coastal areas." In Britain, "exposed" is not a description of the coast. It is a description of anyone who went out without a hood.

South Uist took the gold medal with a 76mph gust, according to the BBC. Inverbervie took silver at 71. Tiree, Aberdaron and Capel Curig tied at 68, a three-way photo finish nobody could photograph because the phone had blown into Wales.

The ferries surrendered first, as ferries do. CalMac cancelled all sailings on 28 of its 30 west coast routes and explained, with the serenity of a company that has written this sentence before, that "disruption and cancellations to sailings is expected across our network until Sunday 25 October." The grammar was also disrupted. It too will resume Monday.

CalMac then closed its Oban and Craignure port offices at 5pm, which is the maritime equivalent of turning off the lights and pretending not to be home. The islands remain where they were. They are simply, for the weekend, theoretical.

In Ireland, Dublin Airport reported five outbound and four inbound flights cancelled by noon and posted a cheerful bulletin headed "Storm Beolo Update." Nothing says "we have this under control" like misspelling the emergency. By evening the storm had a name, a nickname and, presumably, a typo-related grievance.

Meanwhile, south-west England was still mopping up after Austen. National Grid said 6,075 properties remained without power, while 117,320 had been restored, a ratio that looks like progress until you are one of the 6,075 reading this by candle, which you are not, because your router is also off.

Met Office meteorologist Honor Criswick summarised the mood: "for many it will be an unpleasant start to the weekend, with strong winds and heavy rain." It is the most British forecast ever issued. An 80mph gust is not a catastrophe. It is unpleasant, like a lukewarm tea or a cousin who has found cryptocurrency.

An amber warning runs across Scotland and northern England from 9pm Saturday to 9pm Sunday, a full 24-hour shift. Storms used to visit. Now they clock in.

Two storms in two days is not weather. It is a subscription. Somewhere in a Met Office drawer, the next name is already sharpening its umbrella-breaking elbows, waiting for Boelo to leave a review.

And when it arrives, Dublin Airport will be ready to spell it however it likes.