Next James Bond Must Pass Three Tests This Weekend: Stunts, Camera Presence and Not Being Jacob Elordi

The most important job interview in Britain is happening this weekend, and for once nobody is being asked where they see themselves in five years. The answer is in a tuxedo, falling off something.

Final screen tests for the next James Bond are reportedly taking place in London, with Jack Lowden, Callum Turner and Josh O'Connor among the actors thought to have reached the last round. Deadline says at least four test offers went out. The fourth name is unknown, which is the most Bond thing about the whole process. Somewhere a man is pretending he has a dentist appointment.

The tests have three parts: stunts, camera presence and dialogue. In other words, can you jump, can you be looked at, and can you say "Bond" without sounding like you are applying for a mortgage. Most of us fail the third part on a Zoom call.

The 007 team once explained that "Bond screen tests are elaborate affairs involving hair and make-up, costumes, sets, and other actors." Other actors. Imagine being hired to stand across from three possible Bonds and be shot, seduced or poisoned by each, then going home and telling your mum you were "in the new Bond" in a technical sense. Thrice.

The tests were supposed to happen earlier in October but were delayed by scheduling conflicts. The men competing to be the world's most decisive spy could not find a free Friday. Licence to kill, yes. Licence to move a dentist, apparently not.

Producer Amy Pascal said in August, "We are being really, really methodical." Two reallys. That is how you know Amazon is involved: even the adverbs come in a bulk pack. She added, "Daniel Craig is a hard act to follow," which is true, and also what every new employee hears on day one about the guy who quit.

Amazon bought MGM for $8.5bn and reportedly paid at least $20m more for creative control of Bond. For that money, the next 007 should arrive in a brown box with next-day delivery and a note saying "left with neighbour."

Turner, asked about the role in February, said, "It's very early for that question," then added, "I'm not going to comment on it." That is not an answer. That is an audition. Lowden's wife, Saoirse Ronan, said Bond is "not really a subject that's coming up in our house," which is exactly what a house says when the subject has moved into the spare room.

Jacob Elordi, meanwhile, is not thought to be testing. He has been eliminated from a competition he may never have entered, which is the most British form of rejection available.

Denis Villeneuve will direct, so expect the car chase to last forty minutes and contain one line of dialogue, delivered by sand. Steven Knight has finished the first draft and says, "I'm absolutely loving doing it. It's an honour to be asked." Fair enough. He is the only man in this story who already has the job.

Deadline adds: "Even with the tests wrapping next week, there is no timeline for when a final decision will be made." Only six men have ever played Bond in the official films. A seventh is somewhere in London right now, sweating through a dinner jacket.

He will be told by the end of the year. Possibly. Methodically. Really, really.