UK Chancellor Accidentally Tells Parliament His Energy Secretary Opposed the Gas Field She Approved, Then Hands Every Household £100 to Stop Laughing

Britain received its Budget on Wednesday the way it receives most things: politely, in a queue, and then with jeers. Chancellor John Healey, delivering the first Budget of Andy Burnham's government, was celebrating North Sea gas from the Jackdaw field when he told the Commons that Energy Secretary Miatta Fahnbulleh had "opposed" it. She had approved it. MPs came expecting arithmetic and got stand-up, and they took it the way a pensioner takes a free biscuit: immediately, loudly, and with no plans to give it back.

One word did it. "Approved" and "opposed" share a few letters and nothing else, which is also a fair description of most cabinets. The chamber erupted, and the Deputy Speaker had to intervene, the parliamentary version of a teacher flicking the lights off and on. Somewhere in Whitehall, a speechwriter quietly updated his LinkedIn to "open to work, but not to vowels."

To be fair to Healey, it may have been the most honest moment of the afternoon. Every chancellor eventually says what a colleague really thinks. Most wait for the memoir, and then they get paid for it.

Then came the money. Healey announced a £100 energy payment for 20 million households in council tax bands A to D, saying people look to government "not to solve all their problems, but to give them a bit of breathing space." In a British winter, breathing space is the only room in the house that heats itself. Scrapping gas standing charges will save 60% of homes £45 a year. That is one large tin of Christmas chocolates, or four small ones bought in a panic.

Next he turned to the banks, with all the tenderness of a man about to ask them for a loan. "As chancellor, I want to say directly to our banks: I celebrate and I am grateful for the role that you play," he said, and then raised their surcharge by 3%. It is the first tax in history to arrive with a thank-you card. The extra charge is time-limited to 15 months, after which bankers go back to being celebrated for free. Bank shares jumped anyway, because nothing cheers up the City like being robbed less than expected. Gambling stocks rose too, after a smaller-than-feared duty rise on high-stakes machines, so at least two industries bet correctly on the Chancellor.

Elsewhere, the cash Isa limit stays at £20,000, which the Treasury calls a decision and savers call Wednesday. From 2028, mayors may bring in an overnight visitors levy, so tourists will finally pay to sleep in Britain like everybody already living here. Data centres get a new "covenant" with strict tests to protect local water supplies, making them the first computers ever asked to sign a prenup. Fiscal headroom has shrunk to £15bn, a buffer Healey said is there to "use it when you need it", which is also what every Briton says about an overdraft.

Borrowing costs are up £14bn this year, and the growth forecast for 2027 has been downgraded. That is the good thing about forecasts: you can cut them without a vote.

By teatime the record will be fixed. The Energy Secretary approved Jackdaw. The Chancellor approved the Budget. And the British public, who were never asked, opposed it, and for once nobody will say they misspoke.