Kirk Cousins Goes Shirtless, Borrows the Entire Jewelry Counter and Reminds America Dad Energy Now Comes With Chains

The NFL sells toughness, grit and film study. Kirk Cousins sells joy, Double-Doubles and the rarest product in football: a 38-year-old dad who can still lose his shirt on purpose.

After the Las Vegas Raiders beat the New York Jets 38-33 on Sunday — snapping a four-game skid and crawling back to 4-4, their first .500-or-better mark through eight games since 2021 — Cousins posted four touchdowns and unlocked Kirko Chainz. On the long flight home he took off his shirt and let teammates hang chains around his neck, watches on his wrists and tinted sunglasses on a face still ready to remind you to bring a jacket.

"It's been a while. The longer the flight, the more likely the chains," Cousins said, which is either a lifestyle motto or a TSA warning label.

Kirko first escaped in 2022 with the Minnesota Vikings, after a comeback over Washington, when Cousins went viral swaying to Real Boston Richey's "Bullseye 2" under borrowed jewelry. The sequel needed no rewrite. Cornerback Eric Stokes "threw a little something" on his wrist. Defensive tackle Adam Butler contributed a Yu-Gi-Oh Millennium Ring. All-Pro Maxx Crosby went large with multiple watches and chains.

"Kirk is the man. ... One of the funnier dudes you'll ever meet," Crosby said. "He probably [has] the most dad vibe energy on the planet." Dad vibe energy is your uncle with a leaf blower who also clears the jewelry case. Running back Dylan Laube, who watched the original from college, called seeing it in person "funny" and added, "I mean, he loves the attention. ... He's just an unreal person."

Coach Klint Kubiak confirmed Cousins called his shot afterward. "He said he was looking forward to the airplane ride," Kubiak said. "I want our guys to enjoy winning because winning is really hard in this league." Joy has a meal plan. Cousins leads In-N-Out runs after wins, paused them during the skid, then promised a return if Las Vegas got a W. Sunday night he treated Fernando Mendoza, Kolton Miller, Brock Bowers, Laube and a dozen teammates — posing in white paper boat hats — formal wear after five hours airborne under diamond weight.

"In-N-Out's not that expensive," Cousins said. "You put your card down; it doesn't go too far, which is nice." He has confessed, "I have an In-N-Out problem." America has worse problems. America does not usually solve them with Animal Style and a paper hat.

Before the Jets game, Kubiak asked him to speak about joy. Cousins told the room comparison is a thief of it and not to let the league — a comparison factory with better lighting — steal theirs. He also stole a wellness touchdown dance from Laube: "I don't get my own jokes, I steal them from other people, and then I'm just a better megaphone."

The accessories say nightclub. The smile says patio-furniture clearance. Kirko Chainz is not a midlife crisis. It is a midlife press conference that finally told the truth: the sensible shoes still fit. They just sparkle now. If the league asks what he is celebrating, he can say joy. If In-N-Out asks what he is ordering, he can say everything. If anyone asks for the shirt back, tell them Kirko checked it for the flight.