Manchester United Lose 4-1 to a Holiday Destination, Then Finally Find the Energy to Press Each Other Man-to-Man

Manchester United finally found an opponent they were willing to press high. Unfortunately, it was each other, and the match had been over for about an hour.

On Wednesday night Como, a club from a lakeside town best known for villas, wedding photographers and, as of this week, finishing, beat United 4-1 in the Champions League. Nico Paz scored twice. Anastasios Douvikas and Jacobo Ramón added the rest. Joshua Zirkzee scored a consolation goal, which at United now qualifies for an open-top bus.

United conceded after 118 seconds. In their previous European game they conceded after 47 seconds at Atletico Madrid, which Sky Sports says makes them the first English team ever to concede inside the opening two minutes of back-to-back major European games. Most clubs warm up before kickoff. United prefer to warm up during the first goal.

Como completed 594 passes. That is not possession. That is a tutorial. Somewhere in the second half the ball applied for Italian residency and was approved on the spot.

Then came the interviews, where United were at last organized, aggressive and willing to run at people. Captain Bruno Fernandes told TNT Sports the decision not to press man to man came from the staff. Asked whether Michael Carrick got the tactics wrong, he said: "That's on the manager and staff to see, not me. Sometimes you have to be more brave under pressure, take the risk of pressing high and making them uncomfortable." It was the bravest press of the night. It simply took place in front of a microphone instead of a defender.

Carrick, told of this at his press conference, replied: "if you don't run, and you don't run forward, and you don't run back, you aren't going to win." It is the most complete tactical system ever spoken aloud. Forward. Back. And the radical third option of running at all. Coaching licences have been handed out for less.

He added: "I'm really angry," and "For us to play in that way is not acceptable." He then walked across the pitch to apologise to the 700 travelling fans with his hands up, a gesture the BBC noted resembled Ole Gunnar Solskjaer after a 4-1 defeat at Watford in 2021, about 24 hours before Solskjaer was dismissed. At United, applauding the away end is less a thank-you than a forwarding address.

This is the second week running that a United player has gone public. After Madrid, Lisandro Martinez called out technical director Jason Wilcox over the transfer window, and a meeting repaired relations. At this rate the club's best signing of the season will be a conference room with good acoustics.

On Thursday Jamie Carragher called Fernandes "a disgrace." Carragher is a Liverpool legend, so the United captain has achieved something rare: getting Liverpool and Manchester to agree. That is more unity than United have shown in seven straight games without a win.

BBC Sport reports Carrick is "carrying on as normal," which at Old Trafford is precisely the complaint.

Como, coached by Cesc Fabregas, will return to its lake. United will return to Manchester, where it rains sideways and the pressure is always high, even when the pressing isn't.

The lesson of Como is simple. Whatever system you play, if you don't run forward and you don't run back, you will at least have plenty of breath left for the interviews.